Insecure Security

sec

Seeking a sanctuary of solitude;

a retreat constructed,

away from the mechanical multitude.

of the unknowingly corrupted.

A broken system sabotaged.

wrapped in a banner of red, white and blue.

A patriotic sentiment camouflaged,

the parade’s a charade, on me and you.

Stir the melting pot,

add a side of exclusion.

A tangled web, a gordian-knot,

on the road to ruin.

freedom

Fight the good fight; it’s the American way,

we rally to the sally.

For freedom, there’s a price we pay, so they say,

but who’s keeping tally?

price pay

When you add up what is lost,

to what’s been gained,

we’ve been  double crossed;blood

our hearts and hands blood stained.

They can’t be washed clean,

from the sin and impurity.

Wake up from this nightmare of a dream;

these wages of fear and insecurity.

fear

©2016 Kathleen Stefani and Combing The Catacombs, unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without  express written permission from the sites author is strictly forbidden.
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5 thoughts on “Insecure Security

  1. “The parade’s a charade. . .” Good title for new blog. Love it!

    A couple of suggestions, and I hope you don’t mind my unsolicited advice.

    –Whittle away at the images. Aim for a controlling image, upon which the whole revolves. E.g., a parade;
    –focus on what’s happening, avoid generalities and over-used metaphors; find that one startling and memorable action that snaps the head to attention.

    Like most (former) teachers, I can tell you what works. I just can’t do it myself. Keep at it. I admire those, like you, who DO.

    Best wishes.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Richard, I think this one got away from me a bit and I went off in unintended multiple directions, it probably could have been two separate pieces.
      No, I do not mind your advice, in fact, I welcome it. That is how you learn. Thank you. You need to have your weaknesses pointed out, so you can improve, and perfect the point you are trying to make. My aim is for the reader to have a visualize scenes from reading the words, also to make them think. I do tend to use metaphors frequently, a habit I can’t seem to break.
      Unfortunately, I did not pay much attention to my teachers in English class. I think I missed many important lessons that I could have put to use in my literary attempts.
      I did have another verse which I worked out later, but did not include.

      The left and the right, uptight and on the edge,
      don’t trust anyone; strangers you’re not welcome.
      Judge and condemn, shove them off the ledge,
      what have we let ourselves become, in the guise of freedom.

      I am debating whether this would fit, if it would add or change the flow. I wasn’t happy with this entire piece, but reluctantly I put it out there. That line; the parade’s a charade. I was worried that it had been somewhere else, it came to easy, as did my title. I am always worried that I may have subconsciously picked it up somewhere else in my reading. I certainly wouldn’t want to do that. I want to be original and my work to be all my own.

      I am really curious, if I know you somehow since you also live in Eastpointe. I was a resident from 1963 to 2003. Did you teach at EDHS?
      If you can’t hear the freighters, you must not live close enough to Jefferson. It has to be a really quiet night.

      Thanks so much for the suggestions and taking the time to write. I hope I will put them to use in my future works.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is how “The Parade’s A Charade” was born 😊 Good job Richard Hovey! Great advice! 👍👍👍 Good job grevisangel! For taking good advice 😉 You two are admirable! I’m glad I’m one of your lucky followers! 😊 Much love! ♥️♥️♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ye, Richard gave me the inspiration for that one. I thought it would be a great idea to pick up where another one left off, from one piece to another, like another chapter. I was going to continue with that, for awhile but, I haven’t because I get distracted by some other idea that takes over. So I go with that instead, but I like the concept and will use it again. Richards a very great writer. You should follow his blog. I highly recommend it.

    Like

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